Man Refusing to Visiting Parents of Girlfriend’s Deceased Ex Backed

A man has been cheered online after sharing why he has decided to stop visiting the parents of his girlfriend’s deceased ex-boyfriend.

The man, who goes by u/throwawaydhdj6582 on Reddit, took to the platform on August 21 to detail the uncomfortable experience that he had on a previous visit to the couple. The post has received over 22,000 upvotes and numerous supportive comments.

“My girlfriend’s last boyfriend died in a car crash some years ago,” the man said. Despite some initial reluctance, he agreed to meet her late boyfriend’s parents, driven by his partner’s insistence that they were like her own parents. However, each visit turned into an uncomfortable ordeal, marked by the father’s disparaging comparisons of him and his deceased son.

During one visit, the father extolled his son’s hands-on skills, insinuating that the man, an accountant, was less manly due to his clean hands.

“Yeah, I could tell it was something like that, your hands haven’t seen any real work,” the father said. These remarks, according to the man, became a regular occurrence, causing him considerable discomfort.

“It’s important to validate the man’s feelings in this situation,” Lauren Auer, a therapist and trauma expert at Steadfast Counseling in Illinois, told Newsweek. “It’s understandable that they feel uncomfortable and even disrespected by the comments made by the father of his partner’s ex.”

Despite his efforts, discussing the issue with his girlfriend brought no relief. The man wrote that she dismissed his concerns, suggesting that his reactions stemmed from insecurity.

Frustrated and feeling disrespected, he decided he would no longer join her in visiting them—a decision that sparked a heated argument. His girlfriend went so far as to agree with her ex’s father, stating that the man needed to be “more manly.” The man shared in his viral post that he is now contemplating whether he should break up with his partner over the matter.

Viewers online overwhelmingly sided with the man and his stance. Many users recognized the father’s comments as inappropriate and dismissive. Others pointed out that the girlfriend’s reaction was unsupportive and invalidated his feelings.

“You are saving yourself from a lifetime of miserable visits and unnecessary comparisons,” one viewer said.

Another added: “There was a post here about a guy who was in a similar situation with his wife. His wife still kept in contact with her late husband’s parents. They come over to visit the baby OP had with the wife often and talked about how the baby is pretty but imagine how pretty the baby would be if the wife had a baby with their late son. I can’t imagine the pain of losing your own child. But it’s not nice to be insensitive like that even in your grief.”

“It can be very painful to be compared to others in a negative way,” Auer said. “That being said, it’s important to recognize that grief can create complex dynamics in relationships, especially when there’s a strong connection to someone who has passed away.

“The girlfriend may be navigating her own unresolved feelings, which could be influencing her reaction.”

Auer emphasized the importance of the man’s boundaries, adding, that his feelings, despite him not being the grieving party in the situation, are valid too.

“It’s not unreasonable to feel hurt by the comparisons or to want to avoid situations that make him feel inadequate,” she said.

The therapist added that a conversation with the girlfriend about the impact of the father’s comments should lead to understanding and support rather than dismissal.

Newsweek reached out to u/throwawaydhdj6582 for more information via Reddit.

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