How Mom Manages Her Anger on Hard Days With Toddler Divides Internet

A viral TikTok video of a mom throwing ice cubes into a bathtub as a way to de-stress during difficult days with her toddler has racked up more than 15.4 million views.

Poster Jennifer, 23, (@livingthrulove) said that her biggest struggle as a new mom was managing her rage. The part-time bookseller from South Carolina told Newsweek: “I was never an angry person or easily overwhelmed until I became a mother.” Jennifer said in the video caption that hurling the ice cubes in anger is “therapy”. So far, the clip has received almost 2 million likes online.

A fall 2022 survey by Pew Research Center of 3,757 U.S. parents with children younger than 18 found that 62 percent said being a parent had been at least somewhat harder than they expected, with 26 percent saying it had been a lot harder​​.

“The job of being a parent is a huge responsibility and, with that, can come a lot of stress and frustration,” Jennifer said. “Kids will push you and test your patience, and as perfect as I want to be for my daughter, I’m human, and when I get pushed enough, I can lose my cool.”

Jennifer added that she feels the need to throw ice after enduring several days of her toddler’s typical behaviors, such as tantrums, defiance, and fussing.

She said: “I’m caring for a kid almost 24/7, and that can take its toll on anyone. It’s like any difficult job; you love it some days, and you hate it others. Some days are extra hard, and my patience is more thin.

“The reason I posted the ice-throwing video is for the same reason I’ve been posting mom content for years—to help other parents who might be struggling feel less alone in it. A lot of mothers might feel too scared to be honest about the hard parts, but I’m not, and I want to make sure other mothers feel understood in their journey through it. It’s an extremely difficult job, and no one should feel alone in it!” Jennifer added.

“I don’t throw ice often. I’ve recently started doing it only when my anger has been built up over time and I’m extremely overwhelmed,” she said.

Jennifer, who doesn’t wish to share her surname, added that she has tried other methods to manage her frustration, such as meditation and breathing techniques, but nothing tops throwing ice.

“Throwing ice has made me feel so much release,” she said. “The other techniques taught me to calm my emotions, but the throwing ice has allowed me to fully feel out my emotions safely.”

What Did the Expert Say?

Newsweek discussed the video with Ana Aznar, a child psychologist and founder of REC Parenting, an online platform supporting parents and caregivers. She said that mom rage refers to intense feelings of anger and frustration, and they are often triggered by the demands of parenting.

Aznar said: “It is more likely to occur when women first become mothers because their whole identity changes, [but] it can be experienced at any time during the parenting journey.

“Mom rage is a very common experience. However, many women feel guilty and ashamed when they experience it. It is important to remember that motherhood is a deeply ambivalent experience and, while we can adore our children, we can also experience intense moments of anger, boredom, or resentment. This doesn’t not make us bad mothers.”

However, Aznar is not “a big fan” of the technique used by Jennifer for two reasons.

“One, throwing ice cubes around doesn’t address the issue. When you are feeling such intense anger, you need to understand why. Why am I feeling this way? Which of my needs are not being met? You must identify the causes of your rage so you can work on them,” Aznar said. “Second, techniques such as this one or screaming into a pillow don’t work. Even more, research shows that they make things worse. They may make us more aggressive.”

Aznar added that mothers should journal their emotions and see a counselor as they can help regulate emotions in a positive manner.

TikTok Reacts

So far, the video has over 30,000 comments, and the top one has received more than 253,000 likes. It reads: “She’s channeling her anger in a way that does not harm her child. This is good parenting. Postpartum rage is a very real thing.”

“Postpartum rage is normal. Some of y’all never had a kid [and] its shows. I’m still going through it,” posted another user.

“Postpartum rage is so intense. I was never mad at my baby but I was furious at everything else around me,” added a third commenter.

If you have a family dilemma, let us know via li**@******ek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.