Debate as Man Wants To Cash in Hall Pass Cheating Wife Gave Him 5 Years Ago

A married man has sparked debate online after opening up about his desire to start a relationship with a woman that he has developed feelings for.

The man, who goes by u/classiccontexts on Reddit, took to the platform on August 22 to share that he wants to use the “hall pass” his wife had granted him five years ago, after she had embarked on a short affair with another man. The post, which has been upvoted more than 9,600 times, has sparked discussion over the morals and values of both the 35-year-old man and his wife.

“I am not sure how [having an affair] helps reestablish trust or how that lines up with monogamy, which is what it sounds like the man is looking for,” Alyse Freda-Colon, a therapist based in New York, told Newsweek. “He is having a secret, emotionally charged relationship with another woman. In my book, that is an affair.

“The sex part is almost semantics,” Freda-Colon added.

“My wife and I have been married for 10 years,” the man had written in his post. “We have two children.

“Five years ago, I found out that my wife had an affair. I felt crushed and numb because I loved my wife a lot.”

The man added that it was his wife’s affair partner who told him about their secret when she called it off. The affair had lasted one month, and his wife had ended it because she felt “really guilty” about what she had done.

Over the following few months and years, the man’s wife felt remorseful and took several steps to remedy the damage she had caused in their relationship.

“She said she’d do anything, follow any reconciliation steps I asked, and just begged to not break up our family,” the man said. “My first reaction was to divorce but after sitting on it for a week, I decided to just stick it out for our family, and because I still loved my wife.

“My wife was very thankful, and she even told me I had a hall pass I could use whenever I wanted. Over the next year or so, my wife followed the reconciliation steps, which included therapy, getting sober, quitting her job, and a bunch of other things.”

Despite his wife’s efforts to mend their marriage, the man struggled to move forward and continued to ruminate on her past affair. He sparked up a friendship with a 32-year-old woman named Melissa last year, and is now unsure whether to act on the developing feelings he has for her by justifying it as payback for his wife’s behavior five years ago.

“We initially met every week at the bookstore to just discuss books and life, but we started talking more about our personal life and we then started going on coffee dates and brunches,” the man said. “One more thing we had in common was that Melissa too was married to her husband who had cheated on her many years ago.

The poster added: “Melissa has made it upfront that she has very strong feelings for me…I too have a lot of feelings for her.”

The man wrote that, while he has not crossed any physical boundaries and does not intend to, he does want to explore the emotional connection he has with her, adding that he has never felt this strongly for someone before.

Freda-Colon said that the biggest issue at play in the complex dilemma is the concept of having a hall pass.

“Maybe your wife said that out of guilt, but you having an affair isn’t likely to lead to a better relationship with your wife, so that decision was wonky,” the therapist added.

The viral post has amassed more than 10,000 comments, many of which criticize all parties involved in the story and discuss the ethical basis of the man’s decision to pursue Melissa

“The fact Melissa is cheating on her husband doesn’t make her better than your wife,” one user wrote.

“The fight to sobriety makes me think she cheated while [the man’s wife] was at a very low point in her personal life,” another shared. “The fact that she fought so hard and owned and apologized for her mistakes makes the wife a better person in my eyes. Addiction is a cruel beast, and it quickly destroys a person. If he didn’t appreciate this effort, then I think he should have taken the kids and left.”

The user added: “Melissa is sending red flags that just make me cringe, any woman who has been cheated on should not be dating a married man, no matter what he says.”

Newsweek reached out to u/classiccontexts for more information via Reddit.

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